Wednesday, December 30, 2009


After a concerned voice mail and the following text message from my sister:

So do you need a personal injury attorney, domestic violence report form, ballet coach or therapist? Pix  piqued my curiosity. Hope you're on oxycontin or similar substance. Love V

I will explain that last photo:
I had a mole removed from the back of my arm the Monday before Christmas. Perhaps not one of my better decisions.Tuesday Sam put on a new bandage. Wednesday afternoon I removed the bandage to find the area looking like this.

And wondered if had time to clean my closets, make a video diary for my children and write a will in the hour before my certain death. 

I decided to call the doctor's office and talk to his nurse. She put the doctor on the phone who thought it was probably caused by having the bandage on too tight but without seeing it, he couldn't say for sure.

"Could I have my husband take a picture of it and email it to you?" (According to my sister, this is a common practice in third world countries)

"That will work, here's my email address," he replied.

Sam was in the garage and I told him the plan. He retrieved the camera from his pickup and we took the photo right there in the garage.

"It's blurry," I said, "Try again"

"That's because the camera is cold from being in my pickup all day and the lens is fogging up."

I've moved on to picking out the hymns and wondering what to have for my funeral lunch.

We managed to get a decent photo and I sent it off immediately.

Maybe I have time to clean the frig. Cremation or burial? Memorials or flowers?

The phone rang and it was the doctor, "It doesn't look like it's infected. I think it's just accumulated blood from where the tape was too tight."

I'm going to live. So, I'm going to have to make dinner after all.

The doctor commented on the good picture, "I was able to get a really good look."

I told him I'd pass the compliment on to my husband--the over-zealous first-aid rookie.

He also said, "This was a new experience for me--I don't usually diagnose by email."

I modestly explained that I'm a fairly resourceful person. It comes in handy in life and death matters.

And Minnesota in a blizzard could be considered a third world country.


  1. So funny!
    My brain goes through the same scenarios.

    I've done this one of yours a lot:
    "I'm going to live. So, I'm going to have to make dinner after all."

    LOL, love it!

  2. This was so funny -- especially imagining your death and planning the funeral (yes, done it myself many times). Many times before I travel overseas, I look inside my closet and say to myself, "if I don't survive this trip, the girls will sure wonder why I kept all this stuff." Hope the arm heals!

  3. There aren't many who could mention a sister "V" and have a reader wonder which one.

    And, to respond to vjn, the girls already wonder why she keeps all that stuff.

  4. You added a warm smile to this crazy cold, thanks to your wonderful sense of humor.