Stuff like this is in really fine print in the "What to Expect When You Get Married" manual

Sam had an endoscopy yesterday afternoon. If anyone has ever had one, there are a couple side effects. He was really sleepy and didn't remember much of the day.

Which is a good thing.
Because the other side effect is copious amounts of gas.

He came out farting. A lot. I mean even for a man who can hold his own farting with the best of them. This was world class flatulence.

He cut the cheese in the waiting room, tooted down the hallway, ripped one at the drinking fountain and whiffied through the parking garage.

I maintained a safe following distance--an interval sufficient to let him know I was still there, but far enough away that you'd have to know us to put us together as a couple.

Here we are today:

Working on sudoku--No memory of yesterday's fart-fest

Me blogging about it

Let's just keep this between us, OK?

Because if he finds out, he'll make me tell you about my driving on the way home.

Waiting game

The good news is Sam can get his lung test done at 9 instead of making another trip next week. The down side is, he can't eat or drink before his endoscopy at 11:30. We were up at 5:15 so he could have a little snack to hold him over. So here we sit on the  18th floor--a panoramic view of the still dark Rochester skyline. Sam's found something to pass the time.

I'm going to work on Womeninc editing and an article I'm writing for the new Caregiving in America magazine.

I just need to position myself away from distractions--and in close proximity to a power source.

Yippee! They just called Sam. It's 7:25 and his appt was 9.

Time to get busy!

Waiting.

Snoozes and surgeries

There is no better place for people-watching or eavesdropping than the Mayo clinic. For some the excitement is just too much:

 As I was watching this sweet couple catch a quick nap, I was treated to a graphic description of a guy's brain surgery, that began (and I'm not kidding) with,  "They had to go up through my nose with a hammer and break my sinus bone."

Is there such a thing as a sinus bone?

Could he have been exaggerating?

I just don't know.

Here's the deal

CBS has brought back that wretched game show Let's Make a Deal. No more Guiding Light, although I think often of Josh and Reva. These days I spend the 2 o'clock hour with Dr. Oz. Anyway, I have a choice of three topics today so will let you pick which one you want to read. I was going to do this last night but I could not find my stupid Alltel connection thingy.


Behind door # 1--This was in the mail last night. Our appointment is today (as I'm writing we're waiting to be called back

It is a bill from the Mayo Clinic--even though was hadn't even been there yet we owe them $859.71

Behind Door # 2

Behind this door is what I made for dinner last night. I sauteed chicken breasts, then took them out and deglazed the pan with white wine, added some garlic, onions and carrots. Then laid the chicken back on top and remembered there was a bit of kale in the frig so added that along with a couple of tomatoes that needed to be used up. Simmered and served over Trader Joe's brown rice., it was delicious and healthy. We have eaten well from the garden this year.

Behind Door # 3

My version of the facebook updates of the now ex-Delta/Northwest pilots who were on their laptops when they should have been flying the plane:

What's on your mind?

OMG, totally missed MSP while chatting with my BFF. ROCPFLMAO.

Messy

Lately my life has been really messy. I just can't seem to get a handle on it. Especially my office. Last weekend we had a garage sale. The sale was out in the hallway and entryway on tables but if my office door was open, people kept going thinking that all the stuff piled up in there must have been for sale.

It's been messy outside too:

I would have rather stayed home today, but I had too much to do. The message light was blinking on the phone. I couldn't find my phone message book. Anywhere.

I even looked in the bathroom. It's messy too.

I decided to work on cleaning my desk off. The easiest way for me to accomplish this is to pile everything up in my basket and take it one piece of paper at a time.

As I started to gather everything up, I noticed this:

My stomach lurched as I realized the envelope contained an unmailed bank deposit.

Uh to the double Oh.

In the past 10 days, we have received several large payments--which I have used to pay bills. This deposit was dated October 14.

Uh to the triple Oh

My messiness just got really messy.

I called our bank and inquired as to our current balance. Still OK

Plan of action:

1. 
   
   Cancel emergency road trip to bank
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Seriously consider not telling Sam what happened
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Wish that someone would fire me please
   
   
   
4. 
   
   Spend the next hour (or so) catching up on my blog reading (OMG Pioneer Woman is going to be on Bonnie Hunt)
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Spend the rest of the day reclaiming my desk.
   
   
   

I finally left the office at 6:45 PM. And am proud to announce that my inbox is officially under control. The newspapers are sorted and in the recycling.

I backed in the garage and unloaded the Trailblazer in preparation for tomorrow's trip to the craft sales in Algona. Fresh mud from the sloppy gravel road dripped on the garage floor. As I reached in the back to retrieve the last item, I manage to completely soak the front of my jeans with the slimy, gritty substance that covered the rear bumper.

A messy end to a messy week.

The. Best. Diet. Tip. Ever.

I watch a considerable amount of daytime tv--or at least I have the tv on at my desk. Many of the shows feature a "Eat This, Not That" segment. For example, for the same calories as a Pumpkin Spice Blizzard, you can have:
153 rice cakes,spread with 2 teaspoons of peanut butter, a 128 oz. green bean/ beet smoothie, an eggwhite and tofu omelet  and 2 bushels of air-popped popcorn with 1/8 teaspoon of Oh I Wish It Was Butter topping.

I flipped open the new AARP magazine this morning--the one with Natalie Cole on the cover-- and was immediately drawn to an article about incorporating exercise into your holiday preparation. One of the suggestions involves working out using items from your pantry: Arms raises  with canned pie filling or gravy moving on to squats with pork and beans (ok, that one I made up). Here's a thought, could the pie filling and gravy be contributing to the problem?

But the best tip of all was at the bottom of the page:

So if I mix cookie dough by hand for 14 hours, I can eat the whole batch.

And have Michelle Obama's arms.

Or I can stand quietly and eat half the batch.

While bulking up my biceps with a can of garbanzo beans.

August in October

Addie and August have been here for a visit. They came Thursday and left about 11 this morning.

We went to Walmart

He is a busy little 19-month-old who loves anything with wheels and calls them “Beep Beeps.”

He has long, curly honey colored hair and a husky little chuckle. He doesn’t like my bathtub. He only eats if he’s hungry.


Obviously, that genetic tendency is not from me.

He likes to rearrange Gus' kibble and Gus is cool with that

He spends most of his time moving stuff around—tucking things here and there---dropping things through the railing around the staircase.

On Friday, I was working at the office. Addie had put August down for a nap and sent me a text message:

Where’s the remote?


I responded that I’d last seen it on the counter. About an hour later she sent this message:

Found it!

Only a mother would know to look in the pantry